Why I Hate Baths - Dana Scully
by Alien925
Summary: Dana Scully- Wants to believe in the shower.


Title: Why I Hate Haths - By Dana Scully  
Catorgory: Humor  
Author: Alien925  
Disclamer: The X-Files and all of its characters belong   
to Chris Carter and Ten Thirteen Poductions. I really really doubt that Chris   
Carter and the rest of the gang would even consider writing about the stuff   
I'm gonna write about in this fanfic...  
Classification - VH  
Summary: Dana Scully- Wants to believe in the shower.  
Spoilers: Tooms and Orison.  
  
WHY I HATE BATHS - BY DANA SCULLY  
  
  
I hate baths.  
Don't get me wrong... I used to love them. That was all before I became a a pariod,   
black cancer infected, Mulder addicted, worker of the X-Files division of the FBI.  
Nearly everytime I go to take a bath, something bad happens.. Now let me define bad for  
you:  
There are two types of 'bad' incidents in my life.  
a] The *life threatening* bad incidents, and  
b] The * lesser life threatening, but still life threatening* bad incidents.  
  
Life threatening incidents occur when I'm about to take a bath and Eugene Victor Toooms   
picks that exact moment to crawl through my vent and try to painfully extract my liver   
from my body to eat for his dinner.  
  
Or, when Donnie Phaster appears. What a NARK!! You, know, after that incident I was   
seriously thinking of dying my hair brown.. but then I'd be the same color as Diana Fowley's.   
God. I hate that woman.. If she ever.. No.. wait... I'm getting sidetracked now.  
I swear, If any man ever offers to ' draw me a bath' I'm gonna pull out my gun and shoot  
them there and then. [ Except Mulder.. maybe. I still feel real guilty about the last   
time I shot him and that was years ago! - and well.. if he offers to draw me a bath.. who   
am I to refuse. Maybe he'd join me... ]  
Nope, getting off the rails again. Back to baths..  
  
There was this one * life threatening* incident since I have been in the X-Files... well not  
literally IN an X-File.. well maybe that one Mulder put together on my abduction..  
  
Anyway.. I had just run myself a really nice hot bath and I had been in the tub for about  
five minutes when I heard a muffled curseword comming from the direction of my bathroom window.  
I got out of the bath, put on my robe and walked over and opened the window. I see that little  
rat-fink Frohike clutching the window ledge with one hand, his legs were dangling in thin air   
above the ground that surrounds my apartment complex. I calmly resisted the urge to hit   
the one hand that remains on my window ledge so Frohike could have fell all three floors down   
to the groud and died a horrible and painful death, but I didn't. I just took him inside   
and let me tell you.. I think from what I said to him.. that'll be the very last time Frohike   
peeps through my bathroom window.   
  
You may be wondering how in any way that incident is life threatening to me.. well it wasn't..   
but it was EXTREMLY life threatening to Frohike though... he is sooo lucky to be alive.  
  
They include some of the very worst *life threatening* bad incidents I have had to put me off  
baths for life.  
  
Here is a shortish list of the *lesser life threatening, but still life threatening* bad   
bath incidents I have had since I have joined the X-Files.  
  
1] Mulder phones causing me to go on a case. - this is mildly life threastening to him..   
only mildly because I'd never really kill him.. although sometimes the thought does cross my mind.  
  
2] I forget I have a pan on the stove and my whole apartment fills with thick black smoke. -   
May I just say, this is nothing compared to ' a day in the life of Fox Mulder - the best   
disaster prone bachelor ever.'  
  
3] I slip on a puddle and wind up jammed between the toliet and bath.  
  
4] I run out of that really nice strawberry bubble bath.  
  
5] Queequeg used to decide he'd like to join me - that dog had really really sharp claws.   
You should see the scar on Mulders thigh. Not that I have or anything...   
  
6] My doorbell rings and I find,  
a] Cancerman  
b] Krycek, or  
c] Diana Fowley   
waiting outside wanting be to do them some strange, twisted favour in return for a half   
dead Mulder or something along those lines... [ You know its a really bad situation when   
all three of them come [ no pun intended] together].  
  
  
Well folks thats why I, Dana katherine Scully hate baths.   
  
Mulder, is a firm believer in UFO's and alien life forms... I am a firm believe in a invention   
which goes by the name of a shower.  
  
To prevent anything like this happening to you I suggest:  
a] Don't join the FBI  
b] Refuse to speak to anyone named Fox Mulder....however much you would like to   
'jump his bones'.. so to speak  
c] Take showers.. and lots of 'em. That way, you don't smell but you also don't pass on before  
your time.  
  
END  
  
Please give me feedback.. please!!!!!!  
  
  
my e-mail addy is: alien925@isback.com  
  
Thanks for reading you guys!!! :) :) :) :) :)   
  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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